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Sorry that I kept putting up and taking down the previous post. I finally decided it shouldn't be there.

Problem solved. It was all understood.

Draining My Life

Wohoo! I haven’t touched my blog for ages! Tomorrow (actually today) is going to be the LAST day for my winter term. I can’t wait to say “Ok, I’m done~”. I’m soooooo done…

I finally learned the power of energy drink. It really helped me to stay awake to memorize all those weird Italian names for the Renaissance architecture history test tomorrow. I really hate this class. From the second minute of the first class, I knew I hate it. But I’ve done a lot of hard work for this class, especially tonight. I feel like I’m draining my blood to study for this test. I’m gonna kick some ass tomorrow!

The final’s week has been so far so good. I did pretty well on the previous exams and presentation preparations. And my “someone” is in AZ right now for some Intel business training (ya-ya, business trip again. From my dad to my b/f, their trips and far-distance working just make me never want to be a business person!). I’m enjoying the freedom of being messy at home. I went to school to take my test in my pajamas-like jacket and pants. It makes me feel relaxed and happy. Who cares how I look. I’m just myself, a Man Tou indeed. >.<

All right, enough for now. A loooooong post coming up soon…

解不开的结

已经很晚了，２：２５am，不想睡觉。

总是被同样的问题纠缠着，思绪在半空中张牙舞爪的飘着，剪不断理还乱。头脑已经越来越混乱了，记忆却依然清晰，心脏感觉像被２０只猫爪子撕扯着一样。我是不是快疯了？她也曾经有过这种感觉吗？如果有的话，她有没有担心过有一天会传给我？

她不算坏人，他也不算好人。他们周期性的排演着他们的舞台剧，我只是观众，而不是导演或编剧。他们的剧场生意很好，从来没有停业的时候。我被绑在椅子上看他们的表演，我挣扎，但是我跑不掉。我的脑袋里被灌进很多他们的台词，但是那些字句似乎是用另一种语言书写的，我怎么也读不懂。后来我把演出的情节说给我亲近的人听，他回给我蔑视的眼光。我不怪他，我们欣赏艺术的角度不同，也许我不应该与他分享得那么透彻。况且连我自己都搞不清楚那昏暗舞台上的男人和女人究竟都在演些什么。总之，我的生命只属于我自己，只有我可以让它绽放，就像唯有我可以让它消失一样。

我心里有个解不开的结，而我却不知道系上这节的人是谁。无论是那个谁，我求求你，帮我解开吧。我被你绑了５年了，绑得我一块完好的肌肤都没有了，灵魂都要被你扭曲了。你究竟在与我玩什么样的游戏呢？我受够了，求你放开我吧！

我很想现在就消失掉，那样的话一切的回忆，怨恨，恐惧都会一起消失。就算问题得不到答案又能怎样呢？也许本来也就没有答案。我应该被遗忘掉，因为我的出现本来就是一个错误。