前方气流颠簸，请系好安全带

距离上一次发文不到两个月的时间里，我的世界终于迎来了一次剧烈的大翻个--我要工作了，要去一个相当陌生的地方了，又要独自一个人去拼搏了。。。

神一定是非常懂得幽默的，他只需动动手指甲，便在我即将适应这漫长的沉沦时忽的一下把我挑起来，飞出去老高，尽情体会失重的崩溃。然后轻轻吹给我一朵云彩，让我绵绵的飘在上面，教我小心翼翼的摸索到下一个目的地。

到现在我还完全搞不清楚这算不算实现梦想，的确是要去大城市的大公司做大国家的大设计，但这是听外人说太多遍了才变成己愿的么？难道这么长时间的隐居生活没有给我带来丝毫的变化？也许只有时间能回答我的疑问，如果我已没有此般向往，三个月足够打破这个幻想，反之，也许真的到了我变凤凰的时候了~

晚安

Got a plan?

Haven't written anything in English for a long time, 4 years and 5 month in exact. How are you, my blog? I did miss you sometimes. Actually, I've never stopped thinking and wondering about what life has been and how it'll become. It's just I tend to talk to myself in the head more than writing it down. You see, my way of thinking gets simpler as I get older. I stopped lingering on what God's big plan for me. In stead, just take one day at a time. When I open my eyes in the morning, I only hope for the day to go by smoothly. No more diatribe about the past or seeking a snick peek into the future. Occasionally thoughts like that does come across my mind, but it would only stay for a second and then vanish like a bite of cotton candy melt in the mouth--it's gone before you can even remember the pleasure of sweetness on the taste bud.

A glass of Pinot Noir, an episode of some rather dumb Taiwanese variety show and a few pages of the Holy Bible take me through the night. My life would seem rather boring to a lot of people, but I don't mind. I actually love this sense of isolation and disconnection. Besides my husband, parents and a few other family members, I don't need anything else, not even a pet. Someday in the future, a baby have to come in the way. But now, I confess, I'm afraid to have a child (especially a girl), because I don't know how not to be like the monster mom I once had. People always say "like mother, like daughter". What if my child had to go through the things I had to go through. I'd rather kill myself than seeing history repeat.

Although life seems as dead as a crater lake, a few disturbance is coming next week. Thursday I need to put on the sales man's face and try to sell myself to the architecture firms in Portland. Then friends are coming and staying with us the following weekend...don't even need to mention the cleaning and re-cleaning...

Enough said, good night.