unexpected presents

I haven’t post anything for too long (It’s weird that I feel I’m totally cut out of the world when I stopped posting). I was always waiting for some big event to happen and make it sound like a fantasy. But I realized, in fact, I let too many stories skipped away from the official “CiCi Press” while each of them is worthy to put on the front page. I actually tried to write something few days ago. But unfortunately, the poor thing had a “miscarriage” (my computer froze before I could save my writings) and therefore never met the public. Maybe it was a good thing since I was basically being depressed for no reason and making nonsense statements. I don't know why I’m always melancholy recently. Hopefully this is just an age thing and it will finally go away when I turn into an old grandma. Whatever…

So, as I said, I have many stories on the front page for you all. But because there’re too many of them, I can only write them as briefs at this point.
- After the exams, I could finally take a break and catch some breath for the holiday. My life is getting better. I have more time to do some other things besides working on projects. I start to get some more sleep, cook meals, practice piano and even go to the gym some times. I feel like a normal human being again.
- Me and my DWTX took a trip up north to Vancouver BC and Victoria. We stopped by Seattle as well because I had to get a Canadian visa there. It was a fun trip! I was back to big cities again. It felt like a little fish was back to the ocean. My blood was so happy and excited when I was back to the streets full of crowd and noise. Even though I had a little bit financial pressure when I saw the price of everything there, I saved through the entire term for the holiday trip, so who cares… I don’t need to proof to others I’m not acting like a princess or what not. I do whatever makes me happy. I feel it’s myself giving myself too much pressure because I cared too much. I should just be myself. Qu Ta Ma De!
- I went to DWTX’s grandparents house for Christmas dinner. It was an interesting experience to be in an American family during a special celebration, especially it’s my close someone’s family. Unexpectedly, I got Christmas presents too, even though no one knows I would visit (The culture is so different between Chinese and American. If I took DWTX home for Chinese New Year but I didn’t or forgot to tell my family that he’s visiting, my family would think I’m very rude to bring an ‘unexpected guest’ home and it’s very unrespectful to DWTX as well. But I guess it doesn’t matter here). The visiting made me so homesick. I was in the house, smiling and talking to DWTX’s family. But it just felt so weird, among all the white people, I was the only black hair, yellow skin creature there. It’s different from my studio. Even though I was the only foreigner in the studio as well, we were all students and it’s easier for me to get along with them. When I was with DWTX’s family, I had to socialize and try to act like normal when I was nervous. I wanted to stick with DWTX and he could make my communication with the rest of the family easier. But he’s always off somewhere, either helping his cousin to fix the computer or talking to the relatives. It was funny that I pretended I was playing with the teddy bear I got while I was actually trying to avoid being embarrassed by sitting in the middle of the living room and didn’t know what to do. I even whispered to myself that if I ever have a chance to take DWTX to Beijing for Chinese New Year, I will leave him with my grandparents and aunts and go to play with my cousin and see how he deal with the big family. Oh well, I was just being a kid for revenge. I won’t really do it.
- I got calls and e-cards from old friends in high school! Oh, my ISKLians…the good old days…ha ha ha! It was fun to talk to my friends. It brought back many memories, mostly jokes about our teachers. One of my friends was teasing me that whenever I talked about DWTX I started to giggle. He said “aaiiii… girl in love…always like to giggle. CiCi used to be so violent. How come she’s like this now?! Eehhhh…I need a g/f too!”. “Hhaa… that’s the power of love.” I answered him. “Eh, when you have wedding ceremony, don’t forget to tell me loh!” “Tao Yan!!” “hhaa, just kidding.” “Heenn!!”. (This friend of mine never get serious in anything. Maybe that’s why he never got a g/f hhaaa. But he’s really good at entertaining everyone when we’re bored)
- Again, another news about marriage. Another friend of mine in college just got engaged with some “unknown” guy. I mean, she never told anyone she got another b/f and now she’s engaged! Well, congratulations and wish she has a happy marriage (hopefully).
- I kept having weird dreams lately, such as Mom got crazy, I was kidnapped and sold to my cousin to be his wife, my DWTX ran away with his old lover… Gosh, what a mess in my dreams! I wonder if my brain has something wrong and tend to play a little drama when I go to sleep. But hello… I don’t need these ‘free entertainment’…
- DWTX sent me a link on BBC about how china is ruled. Long time ago, I heard European countries, especially Britain doesn’t like China and the communist party and their publications about China are mostly negative too. It seems BBC proves this saying to me. The entire article is just some touch-surface information and it’s only about half page long. I thought, even though PRC was only established 56 years ago, China has more than 5000 years of history. How can a half page long article explain how a nation with thousands of years of history functions? The structure of our society and relationships between people is much more complicated than what some westerners thought or described. This is my personal view though. For thousands of years, China was ruled by emperors through each dynasty. People follow the emperor’s desire with no exceptions. The Chinese citizens just want to have their life in peace. They never question the emperor’s decision (of course they’re not allowed to). So, it becomes Chinese’s ‘national personality’ that they tend to care only about their own family, and follow whatever the ruler’s policy. They think if they care too much about the country, it’ll bring them trouble. That actually gives the nation a stronger bound between its people. Westerners like to yell that China needs democracy or human right or whatever. But I question that do Chinese really know how to use democracy? If they really gain the so-called freedom, do they know how to deal with it properly? Look at the culture revolution; it’s almost a disaster of Chinese’s humanity. The trust and honesty are gone after the movement. It also took away the understanding of Confucius away from China, which guide the Chinese’s morality for long time in its history. I would say, with such a large population and the history Chinese went through, suddenly put democracy in China would just lead to corruption as easy as you snap your fingers. Well, maybe that what most of the western countries want. China is just a big obstacle for them. China has its own circumstance. It’s impossible for China to follow the ‘western way’ to develop. If we need ‘freedom’ for our people, we need the ‘freedom’ from the rest of the world to develop our country in our own way first! Don’t talk to us about democracy while you’re point your finger at our nose and tell us what to do!

Ok, I talked too much. My DWTX told me I should write about what I think in my blog and not to care about how others think about me. Well, this is the result. But I do feel better though. Good night.