昨日、今日、明日

Can’t believe I haven’t touched my blog for four month. If it wasn’t my little sis in Taiwan reminded me that I was gone for too long, I almost forgot that writing was once something I enjoyed.

So, being away for such a long time, I don’t even know where to start my story again. I guess I’ll just ramble for now. I’m pretty good at that. It’s mid-night, almost 1 o’clock. I’ve got a Japanese class at 8 in the morning. And I have to wake up at 6 to prepare for my oral performance. But my brain nerves are all getting sensitive (come on, not again…it’s mid-night!). I wonder if there’s any medicine to just kill my brain for a while. It’s really working too much, thinking about and getting stuck with things that I’m uncertain about. Have you ever have that feeling, getting so frustrated with going back and forth between different judgment and decisions and don’t know which way to go. It’s like never being able to find a balance between Yin and Yang.

When I’m getting sensitive, I like to dig through old things, pictures, writings, morning notes, emails and the “hard drive” in my brain. I’m not sure what I’m looking for. But every time when I go through the procedure I find something new. For example, I read some of my old post. Probably 8 out of 10 were depressing. I sure had lots of fun during the school year, but nothing was recorded. Too many negative things blinded my vision and mind. What happened to me? I have no idea… Oh, and I read all my old emails (again)… I found that the first email D wrote me was really interesting. Why? Because he didn’t use any capital letter in the mail. Was it his habit or was he just too lazy to type a more serious email… well, who knows… it’s just something interesting to notice.

I think looking back to what I’ve been through isn’t a bad thing, even though it might be too much sometimes and too detailed. First of all, that proves I have a really good memory. It’s a gift, not craziness! And then, it helps me to find my weaknesses. Everyone has problems. The winner/survivor is the one that can face the problem and deal with it. Looking forward on the path of life is important. But that doesn’t mean I should run away whenever I’m in trouble. I understand that no one is perfect. We all make mistakes and have disappointment sometimes. I’m just trying to live my life in the best way I can so I won’t regret about anything in the end. Even on freeways, there’s traffic jam sometimes. The road of life might have all kinds of cracks and bumps; yet we still need to make ourselves run through it. May God lead me to wherever he wants me to go. I know he will light up my path ahead.