Good good study, day day up!

The weather is getting cold and trees are changing colors. My vision feels like it has been added a reddish golden color filter in Photoshop. I just realized I’ve been back to US for a month. One of my friends used to say that after passing the age of 21, time just flies. Maybe it’s true. I have so many things to do, but never have the time to do them.

School has started 2 weeks ago. I’ve already had my first “all night long” working experience. I admit that I sort of waited till the last minute to do this structure project. But, at least I finished it with the best model I can make. Maybe this will be the toughest year of the program. Whatever it is, I’ll have to learn to deal with it somehow. Every time I’m stressed out about my school, I tell myself that I either choose to quit, or keep going. Of course I always choose to keep working till I pass out. I’ve gone so far. If I quit, I’ll have nothing. But if I at least try to keep going, I’ll get some clue of the next step. Right? I mean…right?

I was really sick last week. I had cold for a week, and was coughing my lung out. With tons of homework lying in front of me that time, I thought I was going to die. I was so homesick. I remember some day during the week; I was hiding under my blanket and didn’t have any energy to move. I heard my roommate was chopping something in the kitchen and cooking. The sound reminded me that my mom always makes me the best food when I was sick. I like to lie on the bed and listen to her chopping vegetables in the kitchen. I would fall asleep like that and she would wake me up after my food is ready. Back to real life, my dinner for that night was actually cereal. The cold milk made my stomach want to spit everything out. I cried. It was the first time I felt living by myself could be very difficult. And after a very long time I start to feel I really miss my parents again.

I’m still getting use to seeing my someone only once a week. It’s really hard for me since we shared an apartment last year. We used to see each other everyday. Even though I was very busy, at least I knew he’s somewhere near me. I could always go to his room and ask for a hug or something when I needed some cheering-up. I always felt safe. Right now, I have to train myself to think that no matter what I’m going through, I’m on my own. No one will stay up with me when I have big projects or wrap the blanket around me when I’m sick. I need to be more independent. My someone is very busy with his job and he needs to have some time alone to relax. I understand all the logic, but it’s really hard… I really miss him… 2 years could pass by as I blink my eyes. But for now, it seems so long, so far away…

Ok, that’s enough rambling for now. Time to go to bed. Wan an. I will survive.