明天在哪里啊。。

又是星期一，一个沉闷的阴郁的星期一。。。
整整一个月了，我被囚禁在这个像垃圾堆一样的立方体里已经一个月了。直到现在这还是一个毫无结果的等待。还要等多久？没有答案。而我已经精疲力尽，几乎竭尽疯狂了。
郁闷，厌烦，最后变成极度的仇恨。。。
我恨谁呢？恨人家的政府不发给我签证吗？恨我自己拿的是中国护照吗？恨我没有更多的钱去作无畏的挥霍吗？我痛苦的思考，找不到答案。我只是一个被牵了线的玩偶，他们怎么摆弄我，我就要跟着怎样做出动作。我没有任何选择，也没有权利去发泄我内心的愤怒。除了无奈，我无法做出任何其他的回应。
我去了牧师家里吃中饭，菜很咸，但是有种在家的感觉。牧师总是喜欢给我讲他的经历，讲他家里的那些传奇故事。我喜欢听老一辈们讲故事，总像听天方夜谭一样，比好来乌的电影还有趣。也许正是因为他们的这些经历，才造就出他们这样不一般的人生。回家以后我就想，他们经历了那么多的战乱革命，我这些烦恼又算什么呢？这样想着心情就好多了。我总是会回家的，耐心等待吧。

I woke up with the noise of a garbage truck outside my window. I looked at my clock, 11:15am. I started to curse the garbage truck because it woke me up so "early" when I tried to sleep longer, wishing to skip a day just like that. Ever since the Spring term ended, everyday has been the same to me. I stayed in my "box", watching the sun going up and down. I tried to think about what I can do to make my day more "meaningful". "But, what is meaningful", I asked myself. I couldn't find my answer. I felt like I was a puppet. I respond to how people control me. I couldn't have my own desire. If I really have to answer what meaningful means, I wanted to say it means being home, enjoying the sunshine, laugh as loud as I can,..etc...eventhough this answers seems pretty meaningless to me right now.

I checked with the Malaysian Embassy again. They didn't recieve any mail this morning. I don't know what else I can do, but just wait.. wait.. and wait...