I'm a selfish, evil, f***ing little buster

I got a new name, as it’s shown in the title! Wohoo! I like new names and this one is especially great! My mom gave it to me today. Wooo… she’s such a creative and poetic name creator. The new name she gave me vividly portraits who I am.

I think she hates me and gives me the name for several reasons. They might not be all, but surely they’re important.

a) I AM SELFISH.
As I’m growing up, I’m developing my own way of thinking. When people are young, they listen to what adults tell them. They treat the second hand information as truth. But when they grow up, they start to realize that there’re other ways to look at things. What the older people say is not all correct. Like me, I find it more and more difficult to communicate with my mom. I think she’s always the way she is, but I’ve grown and seen her mistakes. I understand that nobody is perfect. I’m trying to avoid problem by simply listening to her complain but not giving any respond (I can’t respond, because once I say something, I’m going to piss her off). But even that she’ll think I’m selfish and I’m ignoring her. I mean, come on~ I just don’t want to start a fight every other day. Why would she try to turn everyone against her?

b) I LEARN TO REBEL
Even dogs know they have to bite the people who are trying to beat them. As a human, of course I would fight back if you’re trying to harm me. And that’s not only to stop you from bother me, I’ll completely destroy you so you don’t have any ability to even think of bothering me. I think I’m really bad at hiding my emotions. Everything just shows on my face right away. Right, I think it’s my stupid face makes my mom going mad. I don’t have to say anything; just looking at my face would make her mad. I must have some super power…heheee… But really, if she would slap me (as she promised she would do it, for pissing her off next time), then I promise her I would slap her back and break her face. Don’t think I’m like a kid to say something like that. She’s really making me crazy. She’s testing my limitation to bear all these none sense craziness.

c) I AM CREATING A BAD ‘PUBLIC IMAGE’ FOR HER
I don’t know why she has this feeling that I’m telling all the bad stuffs about her to other people, especially to my ‘closed someone’. I feel it’s really ridiculous. It’s like you feed me shit and I have to thank you for offering me such nice food! I think if there’s really someone turned me against her, it’s not anyone else but herself. I mean, I tried! I really tried to be nice to her but she doesn't take it. I understand that women at this age would have difficulties to deal with their emotions. But I hate those people who tell others not to say anything bad about them after they’ve done terrible things. If you care about your image so much, why don’t you protect it instead of trying to rebuild it after it’s all destroyed?

So, for the above reasons, I got my new name. And now she’s coming back to apologize and “request” me not to tell what happened to my dad. Eehhhh… what can I say? I just watch her action like watching a clown – laugh at it and walk away.

This is my true feeling. I’m not afraid to show it to others. Even if my mom is able to understand what I wrote one day, I’ll still stand in front of her and tell her this is how I look at her, just like today she told me “who I really am”. It’s really easy to hurt your family and once you leave a scar on someone’s heart, it’ll never heal, NEVER!