Yayiyaiyayiyayiaaaaa~

《黑色柳丁》
今天我心情有一点怪怪
可是说不出到底为什么
好像有一点悲哀的徵兆
可是病因不知道
头上有橘色的加州阳光
我的口袋只有黑色的柳丁
我只有一个蓝色的感觉
不要问我为什么
..
..
今天一起床我就头痛
不管吃了几瓶药都没有用
心情有一点莫名的焦躁
你离我越远越好
外面有橘色的加州阳光
我却躲在自己孤独的黑洞
我只有一个小小的要求
就是请你leave me alone

This is one of my favorite songs, by David Tao. It pretty much describes my feeling now. I mean, I don't want to be depressed. I don't want to stay at home everyday and do nothing. I IMAGINED many times about taking a walk at night, sending my blanket to laundry store, packing up my stuffs... But when my mind comes back to reality, I don't have any passion to actually do anything. It's AMAZING to see something like waiting for a visa can have such a big impact on me. And it makes me so confused about myself right now. When I'm given tasks to do, no matter how hard they are, I can do well. I don't mind if I stay up for 48hrs or I don't have time to eat as long as I have things to do (ok, maybe when school starts again and I come back to read my writing, I must think I'm crazy..). I remember during the school I always complain that I don't have time to do anything I like. Well, now I have plant of free time and I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO!! I'm such a weird creature...

Now I'm jealoused of my friends. They have summer school to take, they have internship to do, they're planning trips to NY, to Japan, to home... The thing I scared the most is.. What if after I finally get home, I'm still like this, nothing to do everyday and just wasting time. hheee. Then I'm the biggest 傻X in the world!

NONONO.. it's not going to happen!　

Please.. somebody.. give me some foamcore to cut..